“Be the healer, even if you are the wounded one.”
I’ve been working on the topic for this blog for weeks now. I’ve hesitated so much because I was scared. I promised real, authentic, and vulnerable. I felt like every time I started a new blog it was fake, it was through the lens that I wanted others to see me. That’s not who I want to be. It’s not who I promised I’d be when I started this journey. Thinking back to my last blog “What Lies Beneath,” I poured my guts out in that post, and it only had a few viewers. Why? Was it my ability to write something that people wanted to read or is it that I just didn’t promote it well? Maybe what I have to say isn’t worthwhile. Maybe what I have to share isn’t worth sharing. The rabbit hole was never ending. Self-doubt and fear crept in and while I knew I needed to persevere, I felt drained and disappointed. Why bother? That’s where I was. But I lost sight of my true goal. It’s not about the blogs. It’s about connecting to and healing other humans. It’s about making people feel empowered to take control of their lives and wanting to help others reach their goals in a hundred different ways. Have I been doing that? YES! I realized these last few months that while I haven’t been actively engaged in promoting Blue Line Coaching, that I was still being the coach that has been so innately ingrained into my being.
Here are some examples of how coaching has changed the lives of those around me in the last couple of months.
My students who are seniors have been debating on colleges, career paths, and some are heading to boot camp when the quarantine ends. Through coaching, I have helped them consider their options, weigh financial aid packages, and choose a path best suited for them.
Coaching strategies have helped a friend evaluate their decisions as a parent and a spouse and reflect on their next steps because they are unhappy and want to create a more positive and fulfilling environment for themselves and their children!
My husband started giving back in HUGE ways as being a trusted peer support for others who are suffering from PTSD, as well as a grounds keeper and volunteer at a treatment facility in which he has visited as a patient.
Coaching has helped a friend to identify her values, to then create clearly defined goals which not only aligned with her values, but helped her take steps necessary for her to change careers. She landed her dream job and is now so excited about her future ambitions!
Coaching has helped a network marketer not only gain the confidence she needed to not take “no” personally, but she’s also expanding her business, and giving back to health care workers in tremendous ways!
I am so honored to say that I have experienced so many of the struggles these people have faced. While mentioned before, I’d like to reiterate that coaching isn’t about giving advice or telling someone what to do. It’s about asking the questions and listening to their responses which leads to deep productive conversation about what truly matters most. Coaching is about allowing the space for you to discover your own values, talents, and motivations and tapping into them to make changes in your life.
What does all this have to do with the concept of a wounded healer you ask? It’s the idea that in order to help someone through something that the deepest healers have endured the same wounds. This concept originated with Carl Jung’s work on archetypes. He states, “We could say, without too much exaggeration, that a good half of every treatment that probes at all deeply consists in the doctor’s examining himself, for only what he can put right in himself can he hope to put right in the patient. This, and nothing else, is the meaning of the Greek myth of the wounded physician. (Collected Works, Vol. 16, p.115-116)”
So in what ways are we all wounded healers? We are the mother who hesitates to let go of the newly walking child knowing that he is going to fall. We are the father who winces as he lets go of the two wheeled bike in hopes that the child stays upright because we know the scrapes and bruises of childhood. We are the parent who wipes the tears of our daughters face because we know how a broken heart feels. We are the friend who lends an ear to a friend to help them process life knowing that we all struggle with self-care. We are the professionals who support others through our knowledge to increase their awareness and help them learn from our mistakes. In many ways we are all wounded healers.
I’d like to say that I’m fully healed and that my heart is whole, but healing is a process and depending on the depth of the wound, it can leave some pretty nasty scars. But it’s through these scars that I want to give back. My family was destroyed by PTSD. I had to become the strongest person I knew, to support my husband through his inability to adult, to parent, and to be a spouse. He was physically incapable of taking care of himself let alone anyone else. But I made a vow. In sickness and in health. I needed to be his rock, his decision maker, his everything. And I did it! Through faith I have held our family together. We have both committed to continuing to heal, pray, love, and have faith that our love story is not over. That our scars will not define us. That we will use our wounds to heal others. That we will be wounded healers.
I'd love to hear from you about this blog. In what ways are you a wounded healer? Send me a message below or through Facebook. Also, what are some topics you'd be interested in learning more about? I can't wait to share these ideas on my Facebook Live on Wednesday!
Have a great week!